A Day In The Life Of Naraku
by FreeAsTheWind
Summary: A collection of short stories. InuYasha and Naraku switch bodies. InuYasha and Fluffy are sent to the psychiatrist for sibling rivalry. Naraku is sued for not being wheelchair accessable. AhUnXKirara romance.
1. The Beginning

A Day In The Life Of Naraku

**1**

_The First Of Naraku's Plans To Kill InuYasha_

* * *

Rating: PG13, just cuz you never know.

Genre: action/adventure, humor

Summary: Naraku's plan to kill InuYasha, switching bodies, Sesshomaru comes in sometimes, maybe romance, maybe not. Some based on an InuYasha RPG I'm in. General short stories. Please read!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own (in order of appearance, almost) InuYasha, Kikyo, young Kaede, Kagome, Souta, Buyo, Mom, Grandpa, old Kaede, The Shikon No Tama, Sesshomaru, Jaken, Myoga, Izaio, InuYasha's Mom (fake), Tessaiga, Shippo, Miroku, Onigumo, Naraku, Sango, Kirara, Kohaku, Tensiega, Rin, Koga, Totosai, Kagura, Kanna, Tokijin, Sesshomaru's victims, InuYasha's enemies, Miroku's lovers, or random assorted villagers (dead or alive). In other words, nothing but the plot, unless you count chapters 3 and 4 (which belong to **Xena**), Isabel Loud, Helen Back, and Kazul.

I don't know much about InuYasha-just a warning. Oh, and SESSHOMARU DOES NOT HAVE A TAIL! The fluffy thing is a Japanese war medal thing (or a sign of lordship, because InuTashio had two). Trust me. I looked it up. Do you see it connected back there? No!

Okay! Let's go!

* * *

"KAGURA!" Naraku banged his head against the wall. Maybe if he did that long enough, he would think of a plan to kill the DAMN HANYOU!

"Yes, my lord?" she said, raising her eyebrows at him, thwacking his head against the wall. Kanna was there too, looking as "excited" as ever.

"How come I can never kill that bastard? I want the Tessaiga, I want the Jewel, and I want his head on my wall!" He banged his head more.

Kagura was shocked, even more so by his next request.

"Kagura, get me some sake."

Then after a pause of stunned silence, he looked at her.

"I can't believe I failed killing InuYasha AGAIN! Kagura, do you ever feel that your not meant to kill this guy? Like you're invented by some woman, and you don't exit, and you're only some stupid bad guy put in to make it more interesting, and you will never kill the hanyo, and you will eventually be killed? Well, enough babbling about nonsense. I'm going to think up more ways to kill InuYasha."

He stalked off, forgetting the sake. Kagura and Kanna followed.

Naraku, after doing every single trick in the book, had not yet killed the stupid, smelly, sniveling, sneaky, slow, sly, shifty, and very alliterative half-breed!

Suddenly, he stopped with a great "ah ha!" and Kagura and Kanna jumped.

He have a Naraku evil smile looking, of course, very cool with his profile.

"I have it… a plan to destroy both InuYasha and that priestess."

He gave a typical evil laugh, interrupted by a hacking cough because of the bread he was eating. Like this:

"Mwahahaha- _cough cough cough hack_!"

* * *

**End of Chapter One**

How will Narky bring about Inu-kun's demise this time? Or will his obsessive-compulsive need to kill InuYasha destroy him first? Just kidding. :-)

* * *

"_Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered,_

_I have fought my way here to the castle _

_Beyond the goblin city_

_To take back the child you hath stolen_

_For my will is as strong as yours, _

_And my kingdom as great._

_**You have no power over me**."_

-**Labyrinth**


	2. Naraku Is Sued

Rating: PG13, just cuz you never know.

Genre: Action/adventure, humor

Summary: Take a wild guess.

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, Sesshomaru, Naraku, Rin, Kohaku, Kagura, or anybody else for that matter.

I have seen the first season, and the first three movies. Just a warning, people.

**WARNING! I'm putting this story up on two names (Sita the Marshmellow Lord and FreeAsTheWind), so whoever gets fewer reviews will be terminated, and you will have to go to the other name. Please review and tell me "yes I'll look it up on the other name." PLEASE! Thanks!**

* * *

A Day In The Life Of Naraku

**2**

_Naraku Gets Sued_

However, Kagura did not get to hear the plan of evilness just then, because somebody knocked on the door.

Naraku and Kagura looked at each other. _Somebody had broken through the barrier and was knocking on the door._

Naraku answered it and looked dumbfounded at his guest. A graying man in a suit stood on the "welcome" mat, a briefcase in one hand.

"Are you Naraku?" he asked.

"Yes. What do you want?"

"May I come in?"

"Who the bloody hell are you? No human could just walk through that barrier!"

"Human? Hardly! I'm a lawyer!"

"A lawyer?" asked Kagura behind him. Naraku gulped.

"Yes. My name is Dip Thong."

"Why is a lawyer here?" asked Naraku angrily.

Dip leaned towards him.

"Did you know your castle is not wheelchair accessible?"

Naraku gaped. "Excuse me?"

"Did you know your castle is not wheelchair accessible?"

"You're suing me because my castle is not _wheelchair accessible?_"

"Yes! What if somebody in a wheel chair wanted to see you, huh?"

"There's no point! How would they get through the barrier anyway?" asked Naraku, before he realized he was arguing with a lawyer, instead of killing it.

"Maybe they had a sword like InuYasha's!" argued the Dip.

"I don't give a damn about them, nor you. Prepare to become one with my flesh."

"Haha! That foolish trick won't work with me!"

He pulled a fountain pen out of his pocket, and stabbed at the oncoming tentacles.

"AAAH!" Cried Naraku as they (the tentacles) turned to dust. "What is this magic?"

"Fool! Get the stone!" cried Lord Voldemort from _Harry Potter _behind him.

Kagura, after kindly explaining he was in the wrong story, threw him out of the castle.

"You can battle swords and demons," said Dip, "but you cannot battle the law!" He cackled manically.

**

* * *

Warning: I do not really know how you sue someone for not being wheelchair accessible so after this it's all guesswork.**

* * *

"Now. Back to business." Said a now calm lawyer to a stunned Naraku.

He handed him a piece of paper.

"You either put a ramp here or you pay us this bill and leave."

_No way! _Thought Naraku. _I'll just pay it. _

Then he looked at the paper. A couple of calculations, and at the bottom of the paper… the final cost. Naraku looked up.

"I'll have the ramp installed." He growled.

"Very well." Said Dip.

Then he walked away, and disappeared behind the barrier.

**

* * *

**

End Of Chapter Two

Sorry, I couldn't think of what to write next.

**Acknowledgements**

**(For both pen names) **

Silverhaired Nemesis - I love your reasons for hating Kagome in your bio…lol…

Narakus-Mate – Thank you!

Cleo – Thanks so much!

Neva13- TY, but what is bffaeaeaeaeaeae mean?

Umineko san – I have, and thanks!

Lovelykaedeinufan – uh wow yourself. Is that a review or a flame?

Grunt – TY!

Ladyofcamlann- TY!

* * *

_**Sam**: Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?  
**Frodo**: No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass. I'm... naked in the dark. There's... There's nothing. No veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him... with my waking eyes.  
**Sam:** Then let us be rid of it... once and for all. Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you!_

_-_**Lord Of The Rings,**The Return Of The King


	3. The Enchanted Paper

Xena inspired this chapter.

Lemme explain.

I couldn't think what to write. So I began to ask for help.

First I asked InuYasha. He told me to kill Naraku off. That was out- the whole story would be pointless- plus it wasn't funny. I asked Voldemort what to do. He said to kill InuYasha.

"That isn't funny, though!" I protested.

"I think it's hysterical." He said.

Finally, I asked Xena, Warrior Princess of Greece. She told me to ask Gabrielle (her sidekick, who is a bard). She gave me this chapter's idea, something she did one episode.

So, it's not all my idea.

**Kagome joke:**

**Q: How do Kagome's brain cells die?**

**A: Alone**

This is a VERY long chapter- two parts.

This chapter is a different kind of humor, too- try it out. You could say this chapter is playing on the 'general' side of the genre, I suppose.

The truth is, I'm kind of worried about this chapter. Well, if you really think it should get it's own fanfiction, and not be in this one, or if it just plain stinks, I will delete it. Fair enough? Good, now let's get going!

**A Day In The Life Of Naraku**

3

In Which Kagome Finds An Odd Piece Of Paper 

Eris is the spirit of strife (in Greek mythology).

Eris is sinister and mean, and her greatest joy is to make trouble.

She had an apple of discord too- but that, my friend, is another story.

Why she picked Kagome- well, the ways of gods are mysterious. (Actually, I'm just too darn lazy to figure it out!) Perhaps she knew Kagome was a bit too stupid for her own good. (Sorry Kagome fans- it won't happen again! crosses fingers behind back)

No, don't worry, Naraku and Kagura DO show up. Muahahahaha! Sure, they aren't the stars this time… (Notices people getting up and walking away) but they DO play a part in this chapter! Trust me!

Actually, they don't show up till late in the chapter, but after that they show up more often, and also for the battle scene (wiggles eyes in a phony mysterious way, audience yawns).

**!#$&!#$&+**

**Prologue**

Eris looked angrily at the piece of notebook paper in her right hand. It was a homework assignment by a certain "Kagome Higurashi." Apparently it was a short story of some sort. A short story that had just ruined Eris' mood.

Being the spirit of strife, Eris had stolen the homework, so Kagome would have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN.

Now, Eris had heard of this half human InuYasha. And she knew he was nothing special. But the way this girl wrote it, he was some kind of saint! It was about how a village under attack had been saved by the heroic half demon InuYasha and his beautiful sidekick, Kagome. (Kagome had been very careful not to let InuYasha see the story, though. )

Eris didn't like having a mere half demon made out to be a god- and she didn't like all this embellishing either! For Eris herself had caused the strife in the village, and had watched InuYasha restore the peace.

Plus Kagome wasn't THAT beautiful!

"So what are you going to do about it?"

Eris looked around, and saw Ares (Greek god of war).

"Do? What can I do?" she snarled. "As long as that InuYasha keeps doing his little deeds-"

"Don't go blaming InuYasha. It's not his fault- it's the priestess and her busy pen, right?"

He walked over to her. They were in their temple, or Mount Olympus, or a condo, whatever you prefer.

"Yeah, I suppose so… hey!" She had just thought of something.

Evil grin

"I have a plan…"

**!#$&!#$&+**

Kagome was sitting on the edge of the well, what else, angry with poor InuYasha. Poor InuYasha, who was probably still spitting out dirt.

You're wondering what happened. It was probably something important, like InuYasha coughing up blood on her brand new coat. The nerve of him! Now she would have to wash it! InuYasha was only thinking about himself.

Or maybe he didn't like her food. Maybe instead of sushi he wanted Ramen.

Or maybe he insulted her. She had every right to call him rude for shoving her out of the way of that speeding bullet! Her skirt had gotten dirty, and the wound from the bullet on his arm stained her backpack. What a selfish turd that InuYasha was!

But I just got on the scene, I don't know.

ANYWAY

"Hello Kagome."

Kagome nearly fell into the well. She looked around, and saw a girl about her own age behind her. Brown eyes, white hair, brown kimono. Neither beautiful nor ugly, neither short nor tall, neither rich nor poor- very average, easy to overlook in a crowd. Well, a crowd of white-haired people.

"Who are you- and how did you know my name?"

"I was listening to you and that rude boy yelling. I know it's impolite, but I WAS ten feet away."

"Oh, sorry." Said a blushing Kagome. "I didn't realize we were that loud."

"I had a boyfriend like that once, too."

Kagome became redder. "He's not my boyfriend!"

"I didn't say he was." Said the girl. "My name's Eris."

"Hi." Said Kagome.

"What's his name?" asked Eris.

"Whose name?"

"The boy's."

"Oh, him." Said Kagome. "InuYasha." She spat out his name.

She stared at the well.

"And to think what I wrote about him-!"

"You wrote something about him?" said Eris curiously.

"Yeah, a story for school. He was the hero."

Eris smiled.

"Well, you know what you should do?"

"What?" asked Kagome.

"You should write a story with YOU as the hero- some fiction! I write stories when I'm upset- you might feel better."

"You know, I think I will try that!" Kagome gave Eris a smile.

"Well, I better be going." Said Eris. "Bye!"

"Bye!" shouted Kagome.

Thanks, Eris. Eris - what a name… 

Kagome headed back, and the group made camp.

(Kagome's supposed to be silly enough not to think anything of the strange meeting,)

Before she went to bed, Kagome pulled her trusty notebook out of her bag, along with a pen.

"Hmmm…" she muttered. Then she began to write and mumble. "_InuYasha had gone fishing _(a reasonably dull chore for him, the creep!)_. The rest of the gang, Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kirara, were at the next village, shopping. The lone warrior, Kagome, awoke with a jerk_ _as five barbarian demons rode out of the woods. Wielding her trusty bow, she delivered arrows with such fury…"_ she looked up.

"This fiction stuff is fun!" then she lay down and went to sleep.

Unbeknownst to Kagome (but knownst to us), Eris was reading over her shoulder, invisible. She giggled at the sleeping girl, and pointed at the sheet of binder paper (ok, so I changed my mind), muttering under her breath. The she poofed away, an evil smile on her lips.

AllworkandnoplaymakesErisadullgodess 

Kagome woke up suddenly to shouting and the neighing of horses.

"InuYasha! Wake up, we've got company! Sango! Miroku!"

Into the clearing burst 5 hairy men on horseback!

"INUYASHA!" Kagome ran forward, grabbing her bow and arrows as she went.

"YAAAH!" they shouted, and ran at her.

She slung her quiver of arrows across her back, yanked one out, and fired. She pulled out another, and another, and another, one after the other, firing until they were all gone.

They hit their mark- but the demons shrugged them off! (That's how she assumed they were demons.)

She looked franticly for another weapon- and saw Miroku's staff stuck in the ground. She back flipped over to it, yanked it up, and began whacking the barbarians with it.

"HEE-YAH! TAKE THAT!"

She whacked one demon on the side of the head, shoved the pointy end of the staff into another's stomach, and tripped up another. Then she began doing a bunch of way cool karate kicks. One in the face, a sidekick to the hip, etc.

Suddenly, out of a sleeping bundle she had assumed was InuYasha, KOGA zoomed up, drawing his… um…fist? But it had already ended.

The demon barbarians fell down and began crawling away.

"SHE'S TOO MUCH FOR US!"

"RUN!"

Kagome watched them leave, breathing hard, as they scrambled back onto their horses and galloped away.

"And don't come back!" shouted Koga after them.

"Did you see that?" shouted Kagome, exuberated from the fight, an astonished smile on her face. Then she frowned.

"Wait a minute- I've never done a back flip in my life! Where's InuYasha?" she looked at Koga. "And why are you here? Waaaait a minute!"

She picked up the paper from last night.

"_The lone warrior Kagome… wielding her trusty bow…delivered arrows with such fury… kicked demons one by one with her feet of wrath-_ I wrote this!"

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!" said Koga, stepping in front of Kagome. "You're saying what ever you write on that paper comes true? Yeah right." He snorted.

Kagome threw her bow at him, which he caught, then began to write. Suddenly, Koga raised the bow and whacked himself in the head!

"Ow! Why'd I do that?" he asked in confusion, rubbing his head.

"Because I wrote you did!" said Kagome. She smiled.

"In my hands - I could change the world!"

**+Change The World+**

Kagome and Koga were walking towards the nearest village.

"So," said Koga, "how'd I get here? _"Kagome appeared with a warrior with the heart of a lion," _that sort of thing?" he looked at the paper.

"InuYasha had gone fie- fih-"

"Fishing." corrected Kagome.

"InuYasha had gone fishing… Miroku and Sango… Kagome awoke with a jerk." He looked up.

"Kagome awoke with a jerk. That's a funny phrase." He handed the paper to the blushing Kagome. "Well, I can't find anything, I must've come here on my own." He shrugged.

"So, what do we do now?"

Kagome smiled, and looked at the paper dreamily. "What WON'T we do?" she asked.

Just then two sad-looking priestesses walked by.

"Hi, is there something we can do to help you?" asked Kagome.

"Well, we're collecting things - to sell in town for our orphanage. If you have anything…" trailed the first priestess.

"Now THAT would fetch some yen!" said the second miko.

Miko is Japanese for priestess- and it's shorter to type!

She (the second miko) pointed to Koga's sword.

"This?" Koga looked at the sword. "Sorry, I can't give this away- it was the only thing my father ever gave to me. I could never part with it!"

The mikos' faces fell.

"Too bad." Said the first, "ceremonial weapons are a big seller on the market…"

"Well," started Kagome, pulling out her pen and paper, "I think you're going to get a surprise gift, right about…" she finished the sentence she was writing, "now!"

Suddenly a man walked up and handed the mikos a jewel encrusted sword!

"Here you go!" he said, and left. The mikos gasped.

"Oh, this will get loads for our orphanage!" exclaimed miko #2.

"Thank you!" said #1.

"Your very welcome!" said a beaming Kagome.

The mikos walked away, exclaiming at the beauty of the sword.

MEANWHILE

The dude who gave them the sword and walked away- what happened to him?

"GIVE ME BACK MY KINSMAN SWORD!" A very heavyweight warrior in much too much armor ran up to the dude.

"But I just gave it away!" said the dude, looking confused. "Why did I do that?"

"Well it doesn't really matter now, does it?" said the warrior, and began running after the poor dude, a knife in hand.

MEANWHILE

The five barbarian demons were riding way, when Eris appeared on a rock. She whistled, and the horses came to a stop, throwing the riders off. They (the demons, not the horses) stood up, grunting.

"Did the little schoolgirl scare the big hairy demon?" asked Eris in a baby voice.

"WE are BARBARIANS! We fear NOTHING!" grunted the leader, looking at his comrades and giving Eris a very black and decayed smile. "We fight with the heart of a lion!"

"And you run with the feet of a chicken!" she replied. "Now, get back on your horsies, and go after her!" She waved them off.

With a few grunted "yes ma'ams," they hopped onto their horses and galloped away.

BACK TO KAGOME AND KOGA

They were at an inn (Dirty Dick's Tavern).

"We don't have any money!" objected Koga.

"Don't worry," said a grinning and writing Kagome, "I have it covered!"

"How much will this meal be?" asked Kagome to the waiter/owner.

Suddenly, the waiter/owner smiled and said, "It's free! All of it! And the drinks are on the house!" then he walked away, looking confused.

"See?" said Kagome to Koga, "Everything is free, the drinks are on the-"

Just then, ale began pouring from the ceiling over the tables.

"I think I have to be a bit more careful with my wording." She said, as Koga positioned his mouth under one of the holes the ale was coming out of.

MEANWHILE WITH NARAKU

"I won't go until I'm sure InuYasha has left the valley."

"I'm giving you my word." Snarled Ares, god of war, to Naraku. "I've taken care of it- InuYasha is gone."

"Are you sure? I don't want InuYasha in my way. The other demons think they can take him- but he's foiled too many of my plans for me to risk it. "

"Don't worry- I'll give you the signal to attack, when I'm sure InuYasha is gone."

"What's the signal?" asked Naraku.

"You'll know when you see it!"

And with that Ares disappeared.

BACK WITH KAGOME AND KOGA WHERE IT'S RAINING ALE

People had put buckets under the fountains of ale, and every once in a while somebody would stick their cup under the spray. People were falling over drunk everywhere.

Eris was watching them, invisible.

"Well, time's a-wasting. Let's go, Koga, we have a lot of good to do!" said Kagome cheerfully.

As they got up (Koga with a belch), the owner/waiter came over to a customer.

"C'mon Wong, you've had enough!"

"Who are you to tell me I've had enough?" slurred Wong, and punched the owner/waiter.

"Y'know, there's always one drunk who spoils it." Said Kagome.

"ONE drunk?" asked Koga, as all over the bar people broke out into fights.

He shook his head at her. "Couldn't get any worse!"

"Well, this wasn't supposed to happen!" She said.

"WHERE ARE THEY?"

They turned around, and Koga's eyes widened. "It just got worse!"

Into the inn walked the five barbarian/demons.

* * *

Kagome grabbed Koga's arm.

"You think you can make fools of us?" growled the leader, baring his decayed teeth.

Think, Kagome, think…ah ha! 

"WE are BARBARIANS!"

Kagome began writing.

"We will…" the demon trailed off, looking perplexed. "…go west. Yes, we will go west!" he looked at his equally confused companions, and walked out. The other four followed.

They got on their horses and galloped away to the west.

"Whew!" said Kagome.

A woman looking out the window gasped.

"The barbarians are heading for the orphanage!" she shouted at Kagome.

Eris laughed.

"Uh, minor setback!" she began writing.

:0)

"WAIT! WE GO EAST!" shouted the befuddled leader to the others, and they began riding to the east.

:-l

"NOW THEY'RE HEADING FOR THE NEXT TOWN!" shouted the lady by the window.

"Uh, uh-" stammered the panicking Kagome, as Eris whooped with laughter.

"Uh, the barbarians… disappeared from the land!"

:0)

"WAIT! To the boats!" shouted the leader. "We will… become pirates, and kill all who sail the seas!"

sweatdrop, evil Eris laugh

"Uh, um, the barbarians went to the caves, and fell into a deep sleep!"

:0)

"WAIT! TO THE CAVES!" the leader yawned. "I'm exhausted!"

They galloped away.

:-l

"So this is all the good you wanted do, huh?" asked Koga.

"Forget it!" Kagome shoved the paper and pen into Koga's chest, angrily.

"I'm not writing another word!" she left the tavern.

"Yes!" said Eris, and vanished.

**90PercentOfThePeopleWhoReadTheyCan'tLickTheirElbowTryAnyway**

"I don't get it! My work is always very vivid! I guess all I need to do is be more careful with my words."

Kagome and Koga were walking down the street. Either nobody was there, or they were all like New Yorkers, nobody noticed what happened later.

Suddenly, a thought came to Kagome, and she grabbed Koga.

"Do you know what this means? With this scroll I can end disease, hunger…" she looked at him. "I can end war!" she turned Koga around, and used his back as a surface to write on the paper.

"The will of mortals won out and… war lost all its power!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Suddenly, a man clad in leather fell out of the sky!

"My powers! What happened to my powers?" he leapt to his feet and glared a Kagome. "You! What have you done to me?"

"Who are you?" she asked, her voice squeaking in terror.

He straightened up. "Ares, god of war!"

sweatdrop

"Uh, uh, I can fix this!" she began to hurriedly write on the paper (she leaned it on Koga's shoulder).

"The force that… enchanted the scroll… lost its power!"

"AAAAAHHHH!" This time a blonde woman fell from the sky, right on top of Ares, knocking them both to the ground.

"ERIS!" exclaimed Kagome.

**END OF SIDE ONE. PLEASE TURN THE TAPE OVER AND START SIDE TWO AT THE SAME POINT. THIS MEANS _YOU!_**

No, don't worry, just **REVIEW THIS CHAPTER** and go on to the next (click the purple arrow below). It was getting WAAAY too long!

Hey, where are you going? Don't read the next chapter till you review!

Please tell me what corrections to make!

Ja ne!


	4. Flying Fish Attack Naraku

**PART TWO OF CHAPTER 3**

_In Which Kagome Freaks, Eris Shrieks, and Koga Meeks_

P.S. There's lots of breaks so you can recognize where you left off if this chapter's too long and you have to stop.

**!#$&+Bah-Bum+&$#!**

"You gave this idiotic mortal powers of destiny?" exclaimed Ares.

"No, I enchanted some paper!" she yelled back. "And don't act all surprised, you WANTED me to do it!"

"No, no, see, I wanted you to go after her and get InuYasha out of the way!"

"Excuse me, it WORKED- kinda!"

"Wait a minute-" started Kagome, "You wanted InuYasha out of the way so you enchanted my paper?"

Eris glared at Ares. "Ares was being his usual manipulative self!"

She stood up, hands on her hips.

"He's got some army waiting somewhere or something, waiting to pounce on the valley and get the Hat of Ultimate Power in the temple or something. I don't care about such things- as long as there's plenty of strife - which there won't be because everybody'll all be DEAD. He wanted InuYasha out of the way so there'd be no interference."

"And you figured that out all by yourself, did you?" sneered Ares.

"Hey, don't believe everything you hear about blondes!" she said, then to Kagome, "Look, just write my powers back and I'll un-zap the scroll!"

"No, mine first - I have a powerful demon waiting for me to give the signal that InuYasha's gone." Said Ares.

"Uh, not helping your case Slick." said Eris.

He smiled at Kagome.

"I promise if you give me my powers back I'll call off the demon." He said, and Eris snickered.

"Pigs can fly!" she laughed.

"You can." He replied.

Before the furious Eris could retaliate, Koga butted in.

"Uh, if you undo the scroll InuYasha will come back and the demon won't attack."

"That's true." Said Kagome, and began writing. "Eris was as she was before."

Eris smiled as she disappeared in a flash…

"AAAAAHHHH!" Eris fell on top of Ares- in the exact same way as before!

Kagome gaped at the two on the ground.

"Eris **_is_** as she was before. It's all in the wording." Said Koga smugly.

"Ok… what if we fill up the paper? Will that end the curse?" asked Kagome.

"No, it's just be full, everything will stay the same." Said Eris.

"You should just write, "Everything is as it was before."" Said Koga.

"Then we'll all go back to our baby cribs and you'll go back under your rock." Said Eris, spitefully. Then to Kagome, "did you write HIM here?" she tried to wipe some dirt of her face, but only smudged it everywhere.

Kagome blushed. "Not exactly… here." She handed it to Ares.

"Ah." He said, after looking at it for a second. "Kagome awoke with a jerk."

Eris laughed, and Kagome looked up at a confused Koga.

"I don't get it, what's so funny about waking up?" he asked.

MEANWHILE WITH NARAKU

Naraku was waiting for the signal. A giggling girl ran by.

"Is that the signal to attack?" asked Kagura.

A boy ran after her, and they ran giggling into the trees.

Naraku shook his head. "No, that's not the sign."

WITH ERIS, ARES, KAGOME, AND KOGA

"Ok, I have to deconstruct the story from the beginning, that means bringing InuYasha back first." explained Kagome.

"InuYasha comes back at the head of an army." Suggested Ares.

"We could end up with an army of ants… or children… or fleas."

"Whoa, whoa, why don't we _describe_ him?" asked Koga, bent over with the paper on his back (for a flat surface again).

"Yeah! Hey- _suddenly_, there was the arrival of the man." Kagome started.

"Remember the eyes." Said Eris.

"Yellow eyes… white hair… wielding the Tessaiga!" shouted Kagome in triumph.

"Wait- does anybody KNOW what the Tessaiga is? Does the paper know it?" asked Koga.

"Um… wielding the sword of InuTashio! Yeah!" Kagome ran over and began writing.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and then…

"Uh-oh." Said Koga.

Kagome looked up and gasped. "SESSHOMARU!"

00

Ares leaned towards her. "Who is this man?"

"S-Sesshomaru, InuYasha's older brother!"

Sesshomaru glared at them, and pointed Tenseiga (which he had no idea why was in his hand) threateningly at Kagome.

"What's going on? Who're they?" he pointed to the once Greek gods.

"Eris and Ares. Ares is the, uh, god of war."

Eris bristled. "And I'M the spirit of strife!"

"Strange companions, priestess." (I'm not sure what he would call her. Wench?)

"Uh, I'll explain!" said Kagome quickly.

And she did.

**WITH NARAKU AND CO.**

They were sitting, waiting. Naraku threw up a tentacle, impaling a bird, which fell in front of him.

"Is that the sign?" asked Kagura, eagerly. Naraku glared.

"It's lunch. Pluck it."

AT THE NEAREST INN 

**WITH KAGOME, KOGA, ERIS, ARES, AND LORD SESSHOMARU**

They were at the bar (where it was still raining ale). Eris was now very dirty, and drunk. She was talking to Fluffy, who was looking very bored, sipping some ale (it was free, after all).

"This is one good thing about being mortal!" she slurred, taking a bite out of her shish-ka-bob. (sp?) She burped.

"You know, I always thought gods were very wise and powerful. Wait'll people hear they're as plain as dirt off a wheel!" laughed Koga, slapping an outraged Eris on the back.

"Y'know, I thought I was a good writer. But look at the mess I've caused!" said Kagome to Koga.

"Not everything you write turns to disaster." Said Koga. "Look at those priestesses!"

Just then the priestesses came over (remember, the ones who owned the orphanage?).

"You know that sword the man gave us? We sold it for a KING'S RANDSOM to _him_!" said miko #1, and pointed happily to a man in a corner, eating fruit with the beautiful sword.

"See?" asked Koga. "You did some good- the orphans these priestesses look after!" he refilled his mug under a waterfall of ale.

"YOU!" into the inn walked the warrior from earlier, complete with too much armor and beer belly! He pointed at the dude with the sword. "THAT IS MY KINSMAN SWORD! _You_ are a _dead man!_"

"WAIT!" shrieked Kagome, and he looked at her. "What's your name?" she asked the knight.

"**I** am Menomaru!" he said in a high, pretentious tone (and yes, I know, I'm re-using Menomaru's name from the first movie, so sue me). "Why?"

Kagome began writing. A look of surprise came upon Menomaru's face.

"The caves! I MUST go to the caves!" then he sauntered out of the inn.

"Those caves are going to get reeeeally full." Said Ares.

Kagome stalked angrily out of the inn with her paper and pen.

WITH NARAKU, KAGURA, KANNA, AND KOHAKU

They were cooking the bird. It was roasting on a spit.

"Where's my drink?" asked Naraku. "I'm parched."

Kohaku came out of the forest with it, but tripped and it fell and broke in the fire, exploding the bird in a fiery ball.

"No," he said, face black with soot to Kagura, "that's not the sign."

WITH SESSHOMARU, KAGOME, KOGA, ARES, AND ERIS

_Author's Note: Go- go dancing is a kind of wild disco dance- I think._

"Y'know, I've been trying to bring InuYasha here, why don't we go find him? I mean, there aren't that many fishing places around here!" Kagome said, in a slightly higher voice than usual. Her nerves were VERY strained.

"We'll just find the trout stream or fishing hole or," she slammed the paper down on a table, "wherever I sent him!" she stalked away (again.)

BTW, they're outside again. This was, like, a public picnic table or something. Fluffy was talking battle tactics with Ares.

"Why won't it stay up?" Eris was having trouble keeping her now matted hair up.

"Hey, Eris." Said Koga, sitting across from her. "You're a woman, you know about feelings, right? I'm in love with Kagome- but she doesn't love me. How should I win her? Flowers?"

"Hmm." Said Eris. She rubbed her head wearily. "Poems. Presents. Now LEAVE ME ALONE." She stood up and joined Ares and Fluffy.

"Poetry." Said Koga. He saw the paper and pen. He picked them up. He began writing.

wolf whistle

Ares turned around a gaped at what was standing behind Koga. Or rather, DANCING behind Koga. Then Kagome came back. She saw what everyone was goggling at, and gave a horrified gasp.

On a balcony above Koga, were three GO-GO dancing Kagomes. Three **NAKED** dancing Kagomes. Shaking their heads and whipping their hair, they smiled down at everybody.

00

Koga looked up at the startled crowd, and looked behind him. One of the Kagome clones winked at him and continued dancing. Ares grinned. Sesshomaru was the only male in the crowd who kept his cool and covered his eyes (when he saw the real and very angry Kagome coming through the crowd, that is.)

Kagome ran over to the table, and saw the paper and pen in front of the now drooling Koga.

She picked up the paper. "YOU WROTE ON THE PAPER?"

He whipped around a faced her, eyes widening at her enraged face. "Y-yeah I was writing a limerick to cheer you up!"

She began to read aloud.

"A warrior, Koga the mighty

Asked a boon from the goddess Eris

And what surprise he saw with love's eyes

Three times…" she looked up.

"I had a little trouble there. Anybody know a word that ends in 'ris'?"

Kagome grabbed his throat and began shaking him. "Idiot wolf! How could you write on the paper? And what does love's eyes have to do with me anyway?" then she stopped.

"Oh yeah. Right. I'm you're 'woman.' How silly of me." She glared at the naked dancing clones.

Koga laughed nervously.

"Well, let's send those three to the caves, eh?" he glanced back at them. "Maybe in a minute…

Kagome growled, and began writing. The three clones got down from the balcony and walked towards the caves.

"To the caves!" she growled.

NIGHTIME, EVERYBODY'S ASLEEP

Eris was snoring. Ares was muttering in his sleep about Pocky. Kagome was dreaming about Naraku dressed as an algebra problem chasing her through a huge bowl of Ramen.

Fluffy was asleep. Period.

Koga was awake.

"Presents, eh?"

IN TOWN

Koga was at a peddler's stall.

"Look, it's late mister, I…"

Koga handed him his sword.

"I'm always open for business!" said the peddler, staring at the sword with greedy eyes.

NEXT MORNING

Kagome woke up to a beautiful necklace sitting on her chest. She smiled.

"You like it?" asked Koga.

She turned around. "You gave this to me? Gee, Koga, thanks!"

"Yeah. I, uh, had to trade my father's scabbard and sword for it."

Kagome's face darkened. "What?"

"I had to trade my father's scabbard and sword for it."

She grabbed the front of his shirt. "You said you would never, ever part with it!"

"Well, Kagome, some things in life are worth giving up-"

"YOU IDIOT!" she screamed, waking everybody up.

"Wha-"

"The paper!"

"What about it?"

"I hid the paper in the scabbard, Koga! _Where is the scabbard?_"

She began pulling his hair.

"I-I-I gave it to a peddler!" said the baffled Koga, as Kagome began shaking him like a bottle of orange juice. "We'll find him! And besides, what're the odds he'll figure it out?"

A woman ran by.

"You better hurry, it's raining yen in town!" she cried, and ran off.

If looks could kill, Koga would've been pushing up daisies.

He gave a nervous giggle. "Y'know that's funny-"

Kagome began to strangle him.

**90ofthepeoplewhoreadtheycan'tlicktheirelbowtrytoanyway**

"I've got it- I know exactly what to write but FIRST- first we need to get the paper." said Kagome. Everybody was gathered in a circle (except poor Koga, who was tied to a tree behind them).

"And how do you hope to do that?" asked Sesshomaru skeptically.

"Well, Sesshomaru, that's my business." she said. "Ok, Ares, Eris, I want you to go to town and find out where the peddler went. Sesshomaru and I are going to go where it's raining yen and look for him there."

"What about me?" asked Koga.

"You," she said, untying him, "get to go to the caves- and to wait. C'mon." she and the others left.

"The ca-" started Koga angrily, then stopped and remembered the three naked clones, and grinned.

"The caves."

MEANWHILE

Eris was leaning against a wall, when a man walked by. Sticking out her chest, she used her smoothest voice and said, "Hey there, big boy."

He grinned- then stopped, and sniffed. "Call me when you've had a bath, toots." He walked away, leaving a horrified Eris in his wake.

Ares walked up to her.

"The tavern keeper said he headed out of town this way- hey, do you smell something?" he sniffed, and wrinkled his nose.

Eris growled.

MEANWHILE

Kagome and Fluffy-sama were following the peddler's trail from where it was raining yen.

"These ruts from the wagon are deep- as though he's carrying a load of yen." said Kagome to Fluffy.

"Where'd you learn to read trails like that?" asked Sesshomaru.

"InuYasha. You hang around him long enough you're bound to pick up something."

Sesshomaru was silent.

"Y'know, he's not all that bad, he can be really nice sometimes." Said Kagome.

"Not all the time apparently, or else you wouldn't have sent him fishing." He said smugly.

"Well, he can be a jerk too."

"Yeah, very selfish." They laughed- then stopped.

A moment of silence.

"Uh, it looks like he's heading for the caves." She said.

Silence.

"We were… starting to warm up to each other for a moment, weren't we?" he asked.

"Yeah." She said.

A pause.

He raised his eyebrows. "I didn't like it."

She shook her head, "Right back at ya."

They walked on.

IN THE CAVES

Koga was leaning over the sleeping barbarians, who were lying in a pile in the middle of the huge cavern, when Kagome and Fluffy walked in.

"_Koga!"_ she shout whispered angrily.

"_SHHHH!"_ he shout whispered back, _"I'm trying to disarm them!"_

"_Look, I don't know how, but you are going to screw it up! Now just back away!"_

"_I won't screw up, as long as they don't wake up before we find the pe…"_

Then, in walked the peddler, holding the rolled-up paper in his grubby hands!

"THAT'S THE GUY!" shouted Koga, pointing at the peddler.

The barbarians began to stir, and Kagome glared at Koga.

"WHO'S GOT IT?" shouted the prissy warrior (remember Menomaru?), who had just walked into the cavern. He stuck his sword at the peddler, dislodging the paper from his hands. Koga caught it and threw it to Kagome.

There were a few passages around the walls, and Kagome and Fluffy ran into the left passage. Koga scurried away from the waking demon barbarians, running into Ares and Eris, who ran past him after Kagome.

The barbarians got up and ran into another passage.

Kagome came out of a passage into a new cavern (alone), and ran into another. The prissy knight came running out of it, bumped into her, and took the paper.

"Not the paper!" she shouted.

He ran back into the cavern (the new one), and swung his sword at Eris and Ares, but it slipped from his hand.

"MY KINSMAN SWORD!" he shouted. The barbarians ran in, grabbed him, and began dragging him away.

Koga ran into the cavern and grabbed the paper from Menomaru as he was being dragged away, and ran into another chamber. He stopped dead.

In front of him was a naked dancing Kagome. She winked and wiggled her shoulders. Koga spun around. Another Kagome was dancing in an entrance- and another in another! The first Kagome began doing a backstroke move, and the second winked while the third whipped her hair.

Koga was surrounded!

Just then the peddler bumped into him.

"Nice looking, huh?" asked Koga.

The peddler nodded, and Koga punched his jaw and slid away under his legs. The peddler ran away, the barbarians ran in, trampled Koga, and took the paper!

Kagome was waiting in the entrance to the passage. She stuck out her bow and, one by one, tripped the barbarian demons. The paper flew into the air, and into the triumphant Kagome's hand.

"Time to end this once and for all!" she ran back to the original passage, and began writing.

Then, everybody- Eris, Ares, Sesshomaru, the prissy warrior, the peddler, the five barbarian demons, and Koga ran into the chamber. She raised the paper (rolled up again), and shouted, "Stay back!"

"Kagome, over here!" shouted Koga. Kagome threw it to him- but it was intercepted by the peddler, who ran out through a passage.

"That's the way out of the caves!" Kagome shouted angrily at Koga. He giggled nervously again.

AllworkandnoplaymakesErisadullgoddess 

The peddler ran out of the cave, clutching the paper. The three naked Kagomes skipped after him. Following them were the five yelling barbarians, with the prissy knight on their heels shouting, "my sword!" Sesshomaru brought up the rear, Tokijin brandished high.

Ares, Eris, Koga, and Kagome burst outside.

"What did you write on the paper?" asked Koga.

"Instead of bringing InuYasha to the scroll I brought the scroll to InuYasha." She said. "I just hope I phrased it right."

They ran after the group.

**WITH NARAKU AND CO.**

Naraku watched below as a man ran by, followed by three naked woman (couldn't see them this far away), 5 hairy men, and SESSHOMARU.

He grinned. "If that isn't the sign to attack, I don't know what is! Let's go!" he said, and he, his army of demons (donated by Ares, btw), Kagura, and Kanna headed out.

BACK WITH THE GODS, KAGOME, AND KOGA

"Hey, who's leading the army that's going to attack, anyway?" asked Kagome.

"Name's Naraku." Said Ares.

"Naraku? Oh man…" said Kagome.

"Hey, wait a minute." Said Koga, and sniffed. "Do you smell something?"

"Lay OFF OF ME, turkey!" shouted Eris angrily.

"No, no, it smells like… fish!"

Just then they heard the sound of a cart, and around the bend rolled…

"InuYasha!" cried Kagome. It was indeed InuYasha, pulling a cart full of… fish!

He held out the paper. "This yours?" he asked.

She reached for it, but he pulled it away.

"I got it off a peddler who was being chased by three _naked yous_, who were being chased by five demon barbarians, a man, and _Sesshomaru,_ who is still chasing them. Oh yeah, and I read the paper."

She bit her lip. "Kinda messed it up, didn't I?"

"Kinda." He said, and handed it back to her. "Did you write that limerick?" he asked disdainfully.

"I did!" said Koga proudly.

"Figures." Said InuYasha.

"I tried to get you back!" said Kagome. "I wrote, 'InuYasha goes to visit his number one friend.'"

"You sent me to a guy I played with when I was 30, my FIRST friend!"

(Note 30 in human years- but 8 in demon years)

"What about, 'InuYasha returns to the woman who brought him a new life?'" asked Ares.

InuYasha lifted up a salmon.

"Kikyo says thanks for the fish." He said. "Who the hell are you anyway?"

"Ares, god of war, and this is Eris, spirit of strife. We lost our powers to the paper."

"Yeah, that part about war losing it's power…" InuYasha stopped and sniffed, then wrinkled his nose. Eris fumed.

He continued, "I DID start back once, but I was overcome with an irresistible urge to go fishing again- I figure that's where you wrote 'InuYasha returned from his journey.' And then I knew something was up. I had visited just about everyone I had ever met that meant anything to me-" he looked at Kagome, "except you. That's when I headed back."

Kagome smiled. Violin music

"Look, I know I'm breaking up a major love fest but LOOK AT ME! I'm not built to be mortal!" said Eris. "We've got to put things back together the way they were!"

"Yeah," said Koga, "and stop Naraku from destroying the valley!"

"Eris," said InuYasha, "what was the spell you used for the paper, exact wording?"

"Uh…Lies will make the world go round, till truer words are written down." she said.

"So, when you make up something, the paper has the power to make it happen… but when truer words are written… the power ends, well that's it!" he said, swinging around the face Kagome, accidentally smacking Koga in the face with the salmon he was holding.

"All you have to do is write down the truth." He said to her.

"Ok, but what are we going to do about Naraku?" she asked.

He grinned. "I'll take care of him." He said. "But you have to write down everything I do; no embellishing, no poetic license, just exactly what you see."

"But how're we going to know if it worked?" asked Eris.

"When you get your powers back we'll know." He said and, grabbing the cart of fish, began walking again.

"What's wrong?" Koga asked Kagome, looking at a fish he had stolen from the cart.

"I'm not very good at writing action." Said Kagome.

"WHAT?" asked Ares, walking around Eris. "You follow InuYasha around-" he paused and sniffed, earning a glare from Eris, "You follow InuYasha around and write stories about him- how do you do this without writing action?"

"Well… I use metaphors. I say, 'InuYasha burst on the scene in a blaze of glory!'"

"If you write that," said Koga, "we'll be picking him up in a million pieces!"

HERE COMES NARAKU

The army of demons descended on the valley(not a huge army, like a thousand, just a small one, maybe 30 or 50 demons), when suddenly-

WHAM!

A fish flew out of nowhere, knocking out two demons.

Naraku looked up to see- "InuYasha!" he snarled.

InuYasha was pelting them with fish from a huge cart.

One by one they flew gracefully through the air at the group.

"He threw a pike!" said Koga to Kagome, as she began writing. "Then a trout!"

"Kagura's fan was knocked away!" shouted Ares.

InuYasha threw a squid in the face of a pig demon.

"Ew!" said Eris.

"That octopus came outta nowhere- he must have thrown it for the HALIBUT- get it? Halibut, hell of it?" chuckled Koga.

"Just write 'InuYasha hit a demon with a squid.'" Said Ares.

InuYasha ran over to Naraku (who had slipped on a salmon), and sliced him in half.

"Damn- another puppet." Said Inu.

"InuYasha destroyed Naraku's puppet." Said Eris.

InuYasha ran over and thwacked another demon on the side of his head with a fish.

"InuYasha whacked the gazelle demon with a trout." Said Ares.

"Is 'whacked' a word?" asked Kagome.

"Say, 'hit.'" Said Koga. "InuYasha sliced at Kanna with a swordfish-" suddenly, Koga frowned and looked at Kagome. "Hey, whaddya mean, 'awoke with a jerk?'" he said angrily.

"Just keep with the script." Said Ares.

"What happened?"

They turned around. "Sesshomaru!" said Kagome. "And Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara!"

"Hey, Sesshomaru came and got us and told us what's happening, what's up?" asked Miroku.

"Where are the barbarians?" asked Koga.

"They stopped fighting and went back to Barbaria." Said Sesshomaru.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light and Eris was clean and beautiful again!

She sighed and smiled.

"I'm back!" she zapped Koga, making him fall over.

"All right!" she said, and vanished.

"Ares, you must have your powers, too!" said Kagome.

Ares zapped a bunch of demons, turning them to dust, and grinned.

At that Kagura leapt onto her feather with Kanna, stuck out her tongue at InuYasha, and left.

The rest of the demons were taken care of by Miroku.

"WIND TUNNEL!"

"Well, I better go, there's a lot of war to create. _Au revoir_." said Ares, and he vanished too.

InuYasha looked at Sesshomaru, and drew his sword.

"No thanks - I was in the middle of paying the heating bills. I have to go. I'll deal with you later." Then he left, too.

"Well, we saved the valley and the Hat of Ultimate Power, whatever that is." Said Kagome.

"A hat that gives ultimate power to the wearer. This town guards it." Said Miroku.

"Hey!" said Kagome, looking at the paper. "There's still some room left on the paper! Must mean there's something else to write." Her eyes glinted.

"How about, "The End?" said InuYasha, arms crossed.

"Ok." Said Kagome, writing. "I just think it's a bit-"

**END OF CHAPTER THREE AND FOUR**

Review, review, review!

Now, people, enough is enough. You haven't assured me that you will continue to read this story, whichever name I put it under. (IWasATeenageBarbieDoll or Sita the Marshmellow Lord.)

**I WILL NOT UPDATE UNTIL YOU DO SO. NOW.**

_"Like, oh my gosh, I saw this guy walking into that one village and he was like hehehe really cute I think he looked at me hehehe I was like blushing and everything oh my gosh he was so totally drop dead cute that I like completely lost it and then he like walked over to me and I was like 'oh my gosh' and he was like 'hi there' and I was like giggle giggle 'hi there' and then he like grabbed my hands and he like looked into my eyes and he said in this like totally deep and manly voice 'Will you bear my child?' so I like hit him where the sun don't shine if you like know what I mean and then I just like left him lying in a ditch and like flew away and then I like blah blah blah..."_

_-_What Kanna would NEVER say


	5. Naraku's Vacation

-Ah-Un talking telepathically to Kirara-

!- Kirara talking telepathically to Ah-Un -! (though it used to be that pretty squiggle they put over Spanish words- but it won't appear in BLEEPing Fanfiction!)

Yes, I know, there is a bit of an Ah-Un/Kirara here… hey, what a brilliant idea for a fanfiction!

_Hai - yes_

_Ja Ne! - See ya!_

Sake- a Japanese alcohol drink 

_Tayija (sp?)- Demon exterminator (ex. Sango)_

_Tessaiga - How I spell 'Tetsusaiga' because that's how it's pronounced in JAPANESE and written in the subtitles. It's like writing 'Kikyo' instead of 'Kikyou.' So don't you DARE tell me off for typos! Unless it's other ones, of course, like saying "teh" instead of "the."_

**This chapter is general silliness of everybody going on vacation. Enjoy!**

**(Notice the poem from the second InuYasha movie is used as paragraph breaks.)**

**Review responses at bottom.**

* * *

A Day In The Life Of Naraku

**5**

_In Which Everybody Goes On Vacation, and Kirara and Ah-Un Hang Out_

Naraku was bored. As was stated in chapter one, he had thought up a plan to kill InuYasha- but after the mess in chapter four, he was exhausted.

"Y'know what I need?" he said Kanna one day, "A vacation. Somewhere really sunny. People always think I like damp and gloomy places, and I keep the act up to sound more evil- but I like a tan as much as anybody. Of course-" he looked at Kanna, "-you realize if you tell anybody, I'll kill you."

"Yes, Naraku." Kanna said.

"Good girl. Now, where could I go?" he pondered. "After all, killing InuYasha can wait- and Kagura can hold up the fort. Maybe Tahiti… yeah, somewhere in the Caribbean." He looked at Kanna.

"I'm glad we had this talk. Tell Kagura when she comes back I'll be gone for a month, and that she has to make sure Kohaku doesn't get loose and stuff." He left to pack.

Kanna yawned.

**

* * *

**

ToMeetNevermore;TearsOfSorrowOverflowdeepWithinMyHeart

* * *

Kagura came home late that night. Kanna was waiting for her. 

"Where's Naraku?" questioned Kagura.

"He's gone away, he'll be back in a month." She said in her usual quiet monotone.

"A month, you say?" she grinned. "Do you know what this means, Kanna?"

Kanna shook her head.

Kagura rubbed her hands together. "It means…PARTY TIME!"

**

* * *

**

WhatGoodThisPotionOfLife?AllIsButDustInTheWind

* * *

Kirara was daydreaming about fish when she heard Ah-Un calling her. 

Now, see, animal demons with intelligence like Ah-Un (Sesshomaru's noble steed) and Kirara have very cool powers. Ah-Un and Kirara had met once (I'm sure at least in ONE episode), and since then had become good friends.

Being a bit more sensible than they're owners, they realized the stupidity of how far InuYasha and Sesshomaru had carried their sibling rivalry, and soon found they had similar interests (fish, nature, fire-breathing, etc.) In fact, they often met in secret when no one was looking.

This was hard on Ah-Un, since Sesshomaru kind of never slept, but he sometimes he managed to slip away without Fluffy noticing (or so he thought ).

There were a few other things they could do, like just KNOWING some things. I mean, they ARE extremely old. Like Dumbledore, sort of.

Luckily, everybody's attention was drawn to InuYasha being sat by Kagome for tripping over her backpack and crushing her homework, so Kirara managed to slip away.

Ah-Un was by the Green Glass Pool (that's what Kirara called it).

- Have you noticed it? - Ah-Un asked telepathically.

!-Noticed what?-! Kirara asked back.

- Naraku's gone! -

!- Is he now? I was so preoccupied; InuYasha is being 'sat' by Kagome, and it's quite funny -!

- What I'm wondering is: where did he go? He's not dead - just gone! -

!- I think he's gone on vacation -! Kirara said, after pausing a second.

- Hmm. Interesting. I wonder where? -

!- Tahiti is nice this time of year. -!

- Yeah, the Caribbean. -

**

* * *

**

Oh arrow of mine/With power pure and immense to slay the dragon

* * *

Kanna looked up at the sign in distaste (although Kagura couldn't tell, seeing as how Kanna's expression never changed). 

"'Dirty Dick's Den?' Are you sure this is a good bar?" she asked softly.

"Of course. Don't be such a snob, Kanna, we're here to celebrate!"

They walked in.

After her outburst at the castle, Kagura had considered that this might be a trap of Naraku's.

However, She had already blown her bubble and could not bear to pop it. So, she decided to get a few drinks at the bar- something she could never do because Naraku forbade it (it would have been too much fun).

"What'll you be having?" asked the bartender. He spat into a glass, then wiped it with a filthy rag that looked like it had never been washed.

"Sake." Kagura said. "What about you, Kanna?"

Kanna shook her head. "No thanks."

Kagura looked at Kanna in surprise. She must really not like the place, to have actually shaken her head -!

_Or maybe the cold act is wearing off now that Naraku's gone! _She thought.

This was a good guess, but a wrong one nonetheless. You see, Kanna had no soul. That's why she had a soul - sucking mirror.

The same reason a vampire drinks blood to make up for the fact he has none, Kanna sucked souls to keep her alive. Even Naraku didn't know.

That's why she always keeps her mirror with her, clutched in her hands. A body can't live without soul essence, and she steals the essence from the souls she traps in her mirror.

But enough with the scientific InuYasha facts- I just wanted to put my ideas somewhere before I forgot them.

Well, one more: Fluffy's fluffy thing is NOT a tail. It's not connected; I've seen it in pictures, and on my key chain.

And besides, who the hell wears theirs tail over their shoulder? And yeah, maybe it turns into his tail when he transforms, but his clothing turns into fur too, and does that make it his skin?

Ahem. Now that we've cleared THAT up.

**

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**

DoYourGoodDeedFastAndSwift/GraspTheCrystalInItsNeck.

* * *

Naraku was very pleased. He was lying in a sunbeam at a spa, getting a massage by a very pretty masseuse. Masseusess. Whatever. 

This was almost as good as killing InuYasha! Almost.

He frowned, then relaxed. He'd worry about that later.

_Right now, I need to plot how to get this girl's number._

**

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**

IVenturedToSeeIfWhatIHeardWasTrue/ButThisJeweledSprig

* * *

- Ok, would you rather have a lifetime's supply of fish, or have the ability to become invisible? - Ah-Un asked. 

!- Hmm… invisible. Would you rather… See Sesshomaru hug InuYasha, or glow in the dark? -! Kirara replied.

- _Definitely_ Lord Sesshomaru hugging InuYasha! -

Kirara and Ah-Un giggled telepathically at the idea for a minute.

- Hey Kirara? -

!- Yes, Ah-Un? -!

- Wouldn't it be nice if WE could go on vacation? I mean, we deserve it, for all the work we've done. -

!- But we can't. -!

- Why not? As long as Naraku's on vacation, they won't need us as much - that would give us a whole month to party! -

!- It's tempting… -!

- Please? We could go to the Caribbean! Sun, waves, sand… -

!- Waves? -!

- Ok, skip the waves- just sun. Imagine the sunbeams we could snooze in! -

!- Well… I guess it would be okay… but as soon as Naraku gets back, so do we! -!

- All right! Let's go! -

**

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**

WithLeavesSoReal'TwasNothing/MoreThanAnEmptyPromise

* * *

Kagura sighed with contentment. Here she was, sipping lemonade, watching the sunset framed by the mountains. The sky was a mess of pink and red. 

Kanna was back at the castle, watching the grass grow. Well, there WAS no grass; it had all died from the miasma. So after looking around futilely for grass, she watched the paint of the side of the castle dry.

Kagura was so at peace, she fell asleep and had a wonderful dream about drowning Naraku.

**

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**

The white-hot flames of my love for you/Cannot burn this cloth of fur

* * *

Naraku was eating dinner. Across was him was the masseuse- Marie. The sun was setting in the west. 

Naraku was plotting, as always, this time about what to do with her.

Murder, of course, was the first thing that came to mind, until he realized he was on vacation. Surely there was something else he could do?

Of course, seeing as how my mother could read this, I won't elaborate. I mean, as Michel Gerber once said, who wants to have THAT conversation? ;-)

**

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**

My raiment sleeves dried of tears/Now on this day I don.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kirara and Ah-Un were watching the sunset over the ocean. 

!- Wow. It's so pretty; especially over this ocean- it's so BLUE! -!

- Yeah. -

Ah-Un moved a bit closer to Kirara.

**

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**

Could you have but known/That it would burn so swiftly this raiment of fur,

* * *

By this time Sesshomaru and Sango noticed that their steeds were seriously missing. 

Sango was worried. Sesshomaru wondered wistfully if it was sunny where Ah-Un had gone.

He could do with a vacation. Without Ah-Un, Rin was very bored, thus more annoying to Sesshomaru and crueler to Jaken.

She kept talking incessantly about where Ah-Un might have gone, while shoving Jaken aside whenever he got in her way while they were walking.

Sesshomaru, of course, ignored her. He blocked out her voice and stared into the sunset, thinking.

Maybe I'll go on vacation too. Tahiti's nice this time of year… **

* * *

**

You would not then have sat with such little show of concern.

* * *

Kagura stared up at the starry sky for a long time. 

She was so bored with Japan. How she would love a change in scenery!

"If Naraku's really not coming back for a month- I could really travel!" she said aloud. "Somewhere sunny. Maybe somewhere in the Caribbean…?"

**

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Time has passed swiftly/As I have waited to see the shell you promised

* * *

Sango was VERY worried by nightfall. Where was Kirara? 

"I have to go after her. Miroku, you wait for Kagome to come back from her world and for InuYasha's spine to heal." She had explained as she packed her small sack. "I think I can follow her trail- although it'll be hard without the means to fly."

Now she was running through the forest, following her trail. A single tear fell from her eye as she looked up at the stars.

"Oh Kirara, I hope you're alright!"

**

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**

They say that I wait in vain/Could this be so?

* * *

Kirara was sipping a pina colada, looking up at the stars, with Ah-Un at her side, eating some steak. 

!- This was a great idea Ah-Un! -!

- (Telepathic grin) -

**

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**

I hoped to find the gleam of the fallen dew/But nothing can I see

* * *

The next morning, Rin and Jaken awoke to find Sesshomaru gone, except for a note he had stuck to a tree: 

_GONE ON VACATION. JAKEN, TAKE CARE OF RIN OR I'LL KILL YOU._

_- LORD SESSHOMARU_

Rin blinked. Jaken gaped.

**

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**

Why did you go yonder /To Mount Ogura?

* * *

Naraku was having breakfast at Simple Suzy's Salon, when he saw her. 

_NO WAY._

She couldn't be here, not now! That stupid woman- she must've though he brought Kohaku with him. But how could Sango find him when even Kagura didn't know where he was?

She walked into the restaurant, saw him, and gasped.

"NARAKU?"

**

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RandomPageBreakCuzThePoem'sFinished

* * *

Kirara was lying happily in the sun with Ah-Un on the beach. Suddenly, she sat up. 

!- Uh-oh. Ah-Un, look who's here. -!

Ah-Un looked up.

- Lord Sesshomaru! -

"Well well well, long time no see, Ah-Un."

**

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**

See No Evil, Hear No Evil - Well, 2 Outta 3 Ain't Bad!

* * *

Kagura looked over the edge of her feather at the blue Caribbean ocean, and the beach beyond. 

"Sun surf and sand, here I come!"

**

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TheWheelIsTurningButTheHamsterIsDead _(ThanksToTheFanFictionAuthorWhoWroteThis!)_

* * *

"Sango? The demon exterminator?" asked Naraku in amazement. 

"No, it's Buddha. Yes, it's Sango. What are you doing here? And why are you wearing a lei?" she asked.

Naraku blushed, and took it off. "It's a-a disguise!"

"Right."

"Naraku? And the tayija from InuYasha's gang?" asked a surprised voice behind them.

Sango turned around.

"SESSHOMARU?" asked both Sango and Naraku in unison.

Needless to say, Sesshomaru was too cool for a lei, although he HAD taken off his fluffy thing, on account of the heat. It made him look strangely vulnerable.

- Don't forget me -

Of course, only Kirara heard him.

"Kirara!" shouted Sango. She glared at Fluffy. "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing- she and Ah-Un came here on their own." He patted Ah-Un on the head affectionately.

"Yeah right. Why would they come here together?" snorted Naraku.

"Why are YOU here?" asked Sesshomaru.

Naraku blushed.

**

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90PercentOfThePeopleWhoReadTheyCan'tLickTheirElbowTryAnyway

* * *

Kagura looked around at the busy market place. 

"Excuse me, where is a good place to eat?" she asked a man in a huge hat.

He pointed down the road.

"Simple Suzy's Salon."

**

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**

90PercentOfThePeopleWhoReadTheyCan'tLickTheirElbowTryAnyway

* * *

The air was so thick with confusion and hatred in Simple Suzy's Salon; you could slice through it with a knife. Then Kagura walked in. 

"Sesshomaru?" she asked in disbelief. He eyes widened. "Sango?"

Her eyes widened even more. "NARAKU?"

!- Don't forget us -! Kirara said, although to everyone else it came out as "growl grr."

"Well, I'm going to have breakfast somewhere else. Come, Ah-Un." Sesshomaru said, and started to walk out.

- Lord Sesshomaru -

Sesshomaru looked at Ah-Un.

Ah-Un looked over at Kirara longingly.

- Please? -

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes.

"I'll meet you later."

- Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru. -

"Kagura, what are you doing here?" asked Naraku.

"What are YOU doing here?" she retorted.

"NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS! Now, go home and leave me in peace. I'm too busy to deal with you or the tayija now."

"I better go too, now that I know Kirara's ok. Kirara, come home soon."

!- Sure thing. -!

Sango left.

"Please can I stay? Oh pretty please?" asked Kagura.

"Absolutely not! Besides, I'm coming home. We need to kill InuYasha, remember."

_Great- my vacation is ruined. At least it was fun while it lasted. Still, _he frowned, _the food here sucks!_

He and Kagura left.

-We better go too - our masters will need us, if Naraku really does have a plan. -

!- Yes. Thanks, Ah-Un. -!

And they left too.

"Hey!" shouted Simple Suzy. "You have to pay for that meal, y'know!"

**

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End Of Silly Chapter Five

_REVIEW!_

**WAIT, THERE'S MORE!**

Review answers and a sad episode quote!

**Hasso and Cleo** - Thanks! But what "identity crisis?" Oh, and the last chapter wasn't a cliffhanger, it was a joke. I will try to think up a body-switching chapter- but I have to post this bit 'o' silliness first. :-)

**Kumguat21 **

**Moondragon13 **

**Gwen Aveire**

**krazifreak106 **

**I-luv-the-cat-sohma52**

**---**

**_Thank you all so much!_**

All you people who read this story/chapter but didn't review - GET LOST! (No, I'm kidding, my response is - **REVIEW**!)

* * *

My sad quote:

Episode 50: Naraku/Kohaku Scene

**Naraku:** Kohaku - remember that I spared your life; I also removed your terrible memories for you. And yet you STILL failed to kill Kagome. Why's that, Kohaku?

**Kohaku:** **(Silence)**

**Naraku:** Do you wish to become human again? Then do you want your memories returned? ALL of your memories? **(touches Kohaku)**

**Kohaku:** **(starts)** No! NO! **(sobs)**

**Naraku:** Huh. Fair enough. **(touches Kohaku, who goes silent again)** I'll let you live- for now. _Forget it all._

**Kohaku:** **(does a sort of slump-bow**) Yes. **(becomes blank again, but still pictures Sango**) _Still, I can't erase that woman's face from my mind._

:'(


	6. The Switch

**Review answers, thanks, and explanations at bottom.**

**NOT – SO - IMPORTANT NOTICE: **I have a website with pictures that go along with this chapter- please take a look. **THE LINK IS IN MY BIO**- TRUST ME, **YOU'LL WANT TO SEE IT**. MORE **INFO** AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.

* * *

A Day In The Life Of Naraku

**6**

In Which InuYasha Gets Many Shocks, Naraku's Plan Is Revealed, And "The Switch" Happens

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"Are you sure this will work? The InuYasha gang may be a bit slow, but they might catch on eventually. The god of war himself- Ares- didn't manage to get InuYasha out of the way for me. What makes you so sure you can?" Naraku said to the cloaked figure in front of him. 

"Do not worry," The childish, if a bit croaky voice under the hood said. "Ares was a fool in trying to trick Eris into getting InuYasha out of the way- the whole plan was foolish. My solution is much easier- if a bit more difficult."

"You still haven't told me YOUR part in all this, you know. What have you got to gain? Why are you helping me?" Naraku said, narrowing his eyes.

"Let's just say I'm a friend." She said, as emotionless as ever (and no, it isn't Kanna).

"A friend?" he raised his eyebrow.

"Enough with the questions. Just do your part, and I'll handle the rest."

She vanished.

**- A Word Of Explanation –**

It was nigh on three days ago that Naraku had met this intriguing child.

Ok, I'm just keeping both stories up. Forget the message that was originally here.

Right. The mysterious person Naraku was talking to. The strange figure in a black hooded robe, with the croaky monotonous voice. Well, how should I know? I just got here too, you know! Why don't we follow her, maybe get an idea of her nature?

**WAIT! ANY NAMES SPELLED DIFFERENTLY, LIKE "KIKYO" OR "TESSAIGA" ARE BECAUSE I LIKE SPELLING THEM THAT WAY, SO LAY OFF OF ME! "TESSAIGA" IS THE JAPANESE WAY OF SAYING IT AND THUS WHAT I DEEM TO BE CORRECT.**

Ok, now that that is said, lets get on with it!

**-The Bag Of Ultimate Marbles-**

Cimorine (**Sih-more-een**) was dreadfully bored. For centuries she had waited here, in the Tween Place- the place between Death and Life- guarding the **Bag of Ultimate Marbles**.

The Bag of Ultimate Marbles was a bag full of marbles with strange powers. Well, not strange, but uncommon. Hold the Marble of Flight, and you could fly. It was the same sort of thing with the Marble of Invisibility, the Marble of Invincibility, the Marble of Excellent Cooking, etc.

There were lots of different marbles in the bag, and various people tried to steal them. Usually these people were not very powerful, or at least not as powerful as Cimorine. Cimorine had not had a good fight in a very long time.

She felt a vibration in her hand. The Marble of Unwanted Visitors was warning her there was an intruder coming. She looked up.

Out of the fog came a cloaked figure. It looked like a child, but Cimorine had enough experience to know things weren't always what they seemed in this place.

The child's robe was a tattered black, and its hood fell over her face, covering it completely except for a mouth covered in shadow.

"Give me the Marbles." The child said, in a croaky monotone. She reached out a blackened, rotting hand.

Cimorine looked at it in disgust. "Who are you?" she asked, trying to see into the hood.

"Your executioner." The girl said. Then she reached and touched Cimorine's face.

Cimorine screamed as her life force was drained from her body. Her face aged into wrinkles, before finally turning to nothing but a bare skull.

The skeleton fell to the floor and shattered. The hooded child reached over and picked up the Bag of Ultimate Marbles, and pulled one out. Then she walked away.

But before she vanished, she looked back at the skeleton formally known as Cimorine.

"You are but the first to fall, Cimorine."

Then she vanished into the fog.

**# The Plot Thickens **#

"What do you expect me to do with this?" Naraku asked, looking doubtfully at the marble the strange being.

"With this, you defeat the InuYasha gang and get their jewel shards." She said.

"Why don't you just tell me what it is, impudent child?" he said scornfully.

"My name is Helen Back. And I won't tell you; the marble can't be used if you know what it is. Only an extremely powerful being could invoke it if they knew its power."

"How do I invoke it?"

"Just ask for it to reveal itself to you. When it glows, say InuYasha's name. Then you will know what it does." Helen smiled and vanished, leaving nothing but the smell of sulfur behind.

Naraku looked at the tiger-eye colored marble. It was barley bigger than a nut. Yet it was supposed to help him defeat InuYasha. Then again, the Shikon No Tama was only a bit bigger, and it was infinitely powerful. In this world, things weren't always what they seemed.

When should he do it? Now?

_Why not?_

"Reveal yourself to me."

The light brown of the tiger-eye color brightened.

"InuYasha." Naraku said, spitting out the name.

The marble glowed brighter. In fact, it grew so bright, it filled the room, and Naraku had to shield his eyes. Suddenly he was falling… falling through blackness…

**# InuYasha Receives A Shock #**

InuYasha was sitting in a tree when it happened. It was nice and shady, and he was snoozing.

The day was very pleasant, Kagome had not gotten mad once; in fact she had brought back some Ramen with her, to make later. InuYasha was very content.

Suddenly a bright white light enveloped him.

"What the…" In his surprise he lost his balance on the tree limb. He was falling, falling through darkness…

**# The Switch #**

Naraku hit the ground with an earth-shattering thump.

"OW!"

He opened his eyes. He was no longer in his castle. He was in a forest. He looked up; a tree. It looked like he had fallen out of it.

"Wha-?" he scratched his head- and bumped into something.

_Uh-oh._

It was furry. He reached up and touched it.

_It can't be._

He ran over to a conveniently placed pond, and looked at his reflection.

He had a pair of dog ears. And white hair. And yellow eyes.

He was InuYasha.

**# Kagura Knows Something's Up #**

Kagura was sulking about her ruined vacation, walking down the hallway towards her room. As she passed Naraku's room, a blinding light shone around the doorway through the cracks for a split second, before going dark again.

"Hmm?"

She opened the door…

**# InuYasha Gets A Bigger Shock #**

InuYasha fell to the ground- with less a shock than he'd imagined. It was like he had simply tripped. He should've had a bigger impact; I mean, after all, to fall from a tree- but where was the tree?

He was indoors- in a room. It was sparsely furnished: A bed, a nightstand, a window, the Jewel of Four Souls, a candle-

Wait a minute. The Jewel of-

His train of thought was interrupted by a voice behind him.

"What happened?"

He turned around.

"Kagura?" he asked incredulously.

BAH-BUM!

**# Kagura Gets Confused #**

Naraku was looking at her in what looked like complete surprise.

"What happened?" she asked, knowing something was up.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

She blinked.

"I live here. Remember? I'm your incarnation?"

Ok, he's acting weird… 

"My incarnation?" he asked, rubbing his head. Then he stopped, and his eyes widened.

"Oh no."

Kagura inched backwards. "Um, I'll go now…"

_If he doesn't remember me, this could be my only chance to escape!_ She thought as she ran down the hall.

**# InuYasha Receives ANOTHER Shock #**

My ears! Where are my ears? 

He ran over to a mirror hanging on a wall.

He was looking at Naraku.

I'm Naraku! 

He fainted.

#**Naraku Meets The Gang#**

Naraku stared at his reflection.

"How the hell is THIS supposed to help me?" he shouted at the pond, feeling his new ears. He realized with a shock his voice was different- harsher.

Another reflection appeared behind him.

"What're you yelling about, InuYasha?"

It was that priestess.

Naraku's first instinct was to rip off her head- but he suppressed it, remembering he was in InuYasha's body. Then he realized that he didn't have to do what InuYasha would do. It might be fun to mess up InuYasha's life.

But maybe he should just play the role- for a little while. He couldn't think now. He would have to ponder this awhile later. The girl - Kagome? - was looking at him.

"Nothing. Just babbling." He said.

"Oh. Well, I made you some Ramen." She smiled.

"Oh." He said, at a loss for words.

"What's the matter? Usually you go wild at the mere sound of Ramen." Kagome asked, raising an eyebrow.

(AN: Ugh, while I'm writing this, I'm imagining their English voices rather than their Japanese voices. Yuck!)

"Nothing, I'm just a bit preoccupied." He said, looking at her eyes.

_Did he just use a sophisticated word like "preoccupied?" _thought Kagome.

Naraku looked at the bottle around her neck.

"The jewel shards." He breathed.

"What about them?"

Naraku blinked, thinking hard.

"The… jewel shards… they… could probably make food taste better?"

That's so lame- she'll figure it out! 

"I doubt it." Kagome said as she turned around and began walking away.

_I guess InuYasha ALWAYS say dumb stuff._ Naraku laughed mentally.

They came out to a clearing, where the rest of the InuYasha gang sat.

"Hey InuYasha." Said the fox demon (Shrimpo…?)

He glared.

**# InuYasha Takes Action #**

InuYasha opened his eyes. Kagura's face was right above him.

His eyes widened. "Whoa…"

She leaned back.

"He's alive." She said regretfully.

Then Kanna leaned over him.

"Are you alright? I brought Kagura back." she said in her quiet monotone.

He narrowed his eyes.

"Go away."

"What happened?" asked Kagura.

"I- I'm not sure. I'm not who I thought I was- or who you THINK I am."

"What?" she asked.

"Oh just go away." He said, waving his arm.

She got up.

"Fine."

"And don't come back- EVER." He said, as an afterthought.

"What?" she asked, sounding disbelieving.

"While you're at it, bring Kanna here along with you. I don't care where you go, just leave me in peace." He put his arm over his face and moaned. His head was killing him.

Kagura didn't ask again. She hightail it outta there, Kanna in tow.

Once they had safely flown away, she turned around to Kanna.

"Do you think he's really setting us free, or setting a trap?" she asked.

"Only Buddha knows. Let's just do what he says." Kanna said. Then she went silent.

Meanwhile, InuYasha was still on the floor, eyes closed, waiting to wake up.

Ok, I sent away the Wind Sorceress and that creepy kid. All I need to do now is wake up. 

But he was awake. And he knew it.

He got up and dusted himself off. How had this happened?

Then he noticed the hunk of Sacred Jewel.

Maybe being Naraku wasn't so bad after all.

He picked it up. It was horribly tainted; he put it back down, and searched around for a bag. All there was was a handkerchief on the nightstand and a tiger-eye colored marble on the floor.

He put the marble in his pocket (it had to be SOME use, why else would Naraku have it otherwise?)

He picked up the jewel with the handkerchief and put that in his pocket as well.

He opened the door. The smell of rotting corpses met his nose.

Ugh! 

He covered the offended body part.

Then he began walking down the body- strewn hallway. As soon as he got out of this Palace of Death, he would find Kagome…

PREVIEW AND IMPORTANT INFO BELOW

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End Of Chapter Six

Ok, you'll have to get the link to my website in my Bio. I have a picture of Helen (and more to come), and a few other random pictures I inserted that seemed to fit the story.

In my website- Just go the nav bar and click "A Day In the Life Of Naraku." It's on the left side of the screen.

**Acknowledgments:**

**Endevorer-** Thanks. I hope that's a compliment! ;)

**Hasso and Cleo- **This chapter and the next (and the next, if it's long) are dedicated to you. Thanks a bunch!

**Krazifreak105**- Thank you!

Not may reviews- but maybe I'll get more in the summertime. Once more I urge anyone who is reading but not reviewing to REVIEW!

The next chapter may take awhile to post- mostly because I want to wait till the summer (though I may break anyway). I will include a full "I'm Kagome this is InuYasha and this is what happened for the LAST TEN MILLION EPISODES" little summary (like in the series!)

* * *

_Gozer the Traveler Gozer the Destructor Gozer the Gozarian _

_Wait for a sign from Gozer the Traveler; he will come in one of the pre-chosen forms.  
During the rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveler came as a large and moving Torb.  
Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex Supplicants,  
they chose a new form for him -- that of a Giant Sloar!  
Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day, I can tell you! _

- **Ghostbusters**

"_Stillness is a virtue, your grace… and patience has its own reward._" –Darvin, **The Mysterious Museum**


	7. Mutiny, Betrayal, and Ramen

**A Day In The Life Of Naraku**

A review, so you need not read last chapter again!

* * *

"_Are you sure this will work? The InuYasha gang may be a bit slow, but they might catch on eventually. The god of war himself- Ares- didn't manage to get InuYasha out of the way for me. What makes you so sure you can?" Naraku said to the cloaked figure in front of him._

"_Do not worry," The childish, if a bit croaky voice under the hood said. "Ares was a fool in trying to trick Eris into getting InuYasha out of the way- the whole plan was foolish. My solution is much easier- if a bit more difficult."_

**Rin (A strange narrator): **Naraku has made a deal with a very powerful evil being.

_Cimorene looked at it in disgust. "Who are you?" she asked, trying to see into the hood._

"_Your executioner." The girl said. Then she reached and touched Cimorine's face._

_Cimorene screamed as her life force was drained from her body. Her face aged into wrinkles, before finally turning to nothing but a bare skull._

Rin: Her name's Helen Back. She has stolen a magic marble that enabled Naraku to switch bodies with InuYasha! 

"_What do you expect me to do with this?" Naraku asked, looking doubtfully at the marble the strange being. _

"_With this, you defeat the InuYasha gang and get their jewel shards." She said._

**Rin: **InuYasha is in Naraku's body, and utterly confused. He has taken the jewel and gone in search of Kagome and some answers!

_He picked up the jewel with the handkerchief and put that in his pocket as well._

_He opened the door. The smell of rotting corpses met his nose._

_Ugh!_

_He covered the offended body part._

_Then he began walking down the body-strewn hallway. As soon as he got out of this Palace of Death, he would find Kagome…_

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**7**

In Which Naraku Schemes, Kagura Dreams, InuYasha Steams, And Kagome Screams (**I had too much fun rhyming**) **

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READ READ READ**

**I'm sorry for whatever Kagome said in the preview, she was stoned. Ignore her. I changed my mind. I fixed the chapter. The acknowledgements and explanations are at the bottom of the page.**

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Naraku (in InuYasha's body) didn't know what to do.

Well, here he was, sitting with the InuYasha gang; looking a bowl full of the most fowl noodles he'd ever eaten. The jewel shards were a mere few feet away. Unfortunately, he didn't know if InuYasha could take them all on.

Maybe if he had the Samiyosha (sp?) he could've done it. Then again, he had the element of surprise. But still-

"Something wrong, InuYasha? You've barely touched your food." Kagome said.

He glared at her. He picked up the noodles, and threw them against a tree. The bowl shattered.

"There. Now I've touched it. Happy?"

They stared in shock.

Suddenly Miroku straightened up.

"Nan desu ka?" asked Shippo (what is it).

"Did you hear that?" He asked.

They listened. It was very soft… but it sounded like a wail.

"We'd better check it out. Sounds like someone in trouble." Sango said.

"I sense a jewel shard!" Kagome exclaimed.

Naraku perked up. Jewel shards, eh? Hmmm…

Everybody grabbed their weapons and headed out.

**#InuYasha Falls Apart#**

It was when InuYasha (in Naraku's body) had traveled a mile or two that he realized that he had no idea where to go. Without his sense of smell, he was lost.

He crossed his arms and glared at the dead tree in front of him.

And not only that, he felt weird. All shaky and pale. He was just wondering if Naraku had eaten something bad when his arm fell off.

**Note: I have no idea how this process happens. I'm making it up.**

"What the-"

He fell over and shattered. Body parts were everywhere. An arm here, a leg there, and his head had rolled upside down.

"So _this_ is what happens to Naraku, huh? Damn."

He tried to get his arm to moves towards his head. Believe me, it's harder than it looks.

Finally InuYasha gave up on pulling himself together, and sighed.

"Now what?"

**-The Retrieval Of The Last-**

Kohaku was sitting on a log, staring into space, thinking about nothing. A person walked up to him. Yawn. Who cared?

It was a woman. He glanced indifferently at her.

"So you're Kohaku, huh?" she looked down at him curiously.

"Hmmm… and this must be the last one… the one nobody remembers." She smiled. "Well, don't worry Kohaku. Everything's going to be just fine."

She reached out her hand…

**&Generic Bandits&**

"AHH! HELP!"

Naraku and the InuYasha gang had caught up to the wail. Hey, that sounds like some sort of band name. _Naraku and the Inu Gang vs. Josie and the Pussycats._

Anyway, the wail was a strange-looking woman, being attacked by a bunch of bandits.

There were about ten of them, smelly and mean looking. They were shoving her and trying to grab a package in her arms.

"Hand it over, lady!" shouted one.

"Hey, why don't you pick on someone your own size?" Kagome called out angrily.

"Oh, like you?" growled a hairy-looking bandit.

"If you don't lay off her, InuYasha'll kill you!" Kagome answered, hiding behind Naraku.

Naraku wondered if he could use InuYasha's claws and sword. Did he know how?

"I'd like to see him try." Said one of the men. Since he was the biggest, hairiest, and smelliest of the lot, he seemed to be the boss.

Naraku cracked InuYasha's knuckles.

"There's a shard in the woman's bundle!" exclaimed Kagome.

Well, I wanted to see if I could handle InuYasha's body. This should be an interesting test…

**#Kagura Thinks About Stuff#**

Kagura was indeed thinking about stuff. Like what was up with Naraku. What was he doing?

"Hey wait a minute. I can find out!" she exclaimed. She nearly fell of the tree she was sitting in.

"Hey Kanna!" she called over to the other branch. Kanna turned.

"Use your mirror to see what Naraku's up to."

For a second the mirror went blank (no reflections). Then a picture showed up. The InuYasha gang. Beating up a bunch of random bandits. The bandits running away. Some woman.

"What the- this is InuYasha, not Naraku!" Kanna shook the mirror. It went blank… then showed InuYasha again.

"Well if that's Naraku then where's InuYasha?" Kagura asked the mirror angrily.

It went blank… then showed a picture of Naraku in pieces in the forest, looking very angry, and very silly since his head was upside down.

Suddenly, Kagura had an idea. An impossible idea.

"Could this be the real InuYasha…?"

**&Isabel Loud and Morrigan&**

"Oh my god, you saved me! How can I ever thank you?" gushed the grateful woman Naraku and the Inu gang had just saved. She had a very strange accent. And even stranger- she was human, yet she had red hair. And green eyes.

"Give us your jewel shard." Naraku said.

"InuYasha!" said a surprised Kagome. But the woman just smiled.

"Sure. I just found it on the ground anyway. I don't want it." She handed it to Naraku.

"My name's Kagome." Said Kagome. "This is InuYasha, Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara." She pointed to each in turn.

"I'm Isabel Loud. And this is Morrigan." Isabel said.

"Morrigan?" Sango questioned.

Isabel held out the bundle. It was an adorable baby.

Kagome and Sango immediately began to coo at the baby and exclaim how cute it was.

Naraku tried to look at his watch, but failed because he suddenly realized that he was in Feudal Japan, and watches hadn't been invented yet.

Miroku yawned. Shippo climbed on top of Naraku's shoulder for a better look.

"(**Anime vein**) Get off my shoulder or DIE, rodent." Naraku said.

"_Geez _Lou_ise_ InuYasha! Ok, ok." By this time, Kagome and Sango had recovered.

(**Author's Note**: That's a phrase you don't hear often in InuYasha. _Shippo climbed on top of Naraku's shoulder for a better look._)

"So, you're not from around here are you?" asked Miroku.

"No. I came from the green shores of Eire. I married a man from here who had shipwrecked on a beach, but he became homesick, he had to go back. At first I couldn't leave me homeland, but I love him so much, and had to find him, and now that I have wee little Morrigan… well… I _have _to find him." She sighed sadly. "He's in a far away village, Zaarkiwa."

"Actually, that's not far away. Maybe we can escort you. Make sure you don't get attacked by any more demons or bandits." Miroku suggested innocently, although they all recognized the glint in his eye.

"Oh that would be wonderful! Would you?" Isabel looked hopeful.

"Don't we have something better to do?" grumped Naraku. Kagome glared.

"InuYasha, sit." WHAM!

"Yes, of course we'll escort you." She said to Isabel, and smiled. Isabel smiled back.

"Actually, we should make camp. The sun's setting." Sango commented.

(**Can you guess which country "Eire" is?**)

Naraku leapt to his feet and spat out dirt. What in Tartarus was that?

**#Kagura's Deal#**

InuYasha looked at the setting sun with relief. Hopefully this meant he could pull himself together.

Wait, what was that, in the sky? Hard to tell because his head was upside down. It was a… oh no. Not…

"Kagura, what are you doing here?" InuYasha asked angrily.

"Saving your $$, Naraku. Or should I say… _InuYasha_." InuYasha stiffened.

"Don't worry, I've come to make you a deal. I'll help you defeat Naraku and get your body back… on one condition." Kagura said.

"What?" InuYasha asked warily.

"You give me my heart back."

"What?"

Kagura sighed. _I guess I have to tell him the whole story…_

**&Breaking Camp&**

"In Eire, we don't have demons. Only pixies and leprechauns and the like." Isabel remarked.

They had made camp and a bonfire. The InuYasha gang, I mean. And Naraku.

"Okay, what should we eat? How about ramen?" asked Kagome cheerfully.

"NO!" cried Naraku. Shippo looked up from his lollypop. Sango and Miroku stared. Kagome blinked.

"Did mine ears deceive me? Did I just hear InuYasha decline _Ramen?_" asked Sango in disbelief.

"I'm not hungry." Naraku replied angrily, just as his stomach gave a huge rumble.

"How about eggs?" asked Miroku.

"Eggs are good with me." Isabel said.

They ate in silence, and said goodnight, except for Kagome. She had to "go home for supplies."

_Go home? Where?_ Naraku had never thought nor cared about Kagome's origins.

Hmm. She was going into the woods, alone, at night, with all of the InuYasha gang's jewel shards around her neck.

Heh heh… 

**#InuYasha's Coming Around The Mountain#**

"Can't you make this thing go faster?" barked InuYasha.

"My feather goes only one speed." Kagura said coolly.

InuYasha crossed his arms and pondered.

He was worried. How did this switch happen? Did Naraku do it? And of course, the most important question:

Was Kagome ok?

**&The Betrayal&**

Kagome stared down at the well. It seemed seasons ago since she first fell through, yet it was only… seasons ago.

_I've been doing this for a while,_ she thought.

"Kagome, what are you doing?" She turned. It was InuYasha.

He walked over to the well, looked down.

"InuYasha, what's up? You've been acting weird." She sat on the edge of the well.

He looked at her perched on the edge of the well, at the long drop. He stared at the sky. Long pause.

He gave a small smile. "You really haven't figured it out yet, have you? Either I'm a great actor, or you're extremely stupid."

"What?" Kagome was confused. "Figured _what_ out?"

He smiled. Kagome didn't like that smile. It was an evil smile. It showed all his fangs, too.

Kagome didn't have time to react for what happened next. She felt as if she was falling through water.

The world seemed to slow down as InuYasha ripped her bottle of jewel shards off her neck, and shoved her backwards into the well.

She was so shocked she didn't even scream as she fell into the well, hitting her head on the wall, making everything go black.

------------------------------------------------------------

InuYasha, or I should say, Naraku- laughed. He looked down the well at Kagome- and stopped laughing.

Kagome was gone. Vamoosed. He frowned.

Then again, who cared? He had the shards, and with any luck she had smashed her head open on that wall. And now with her and InuYasha out of the way, he could take care of the slayer and the monk just fine.

Then all he had to do was get his body back. He'd give the shards to Kagura, use the Marble, get the shards, and destroy InuYasha.

It was brilliant.

Of course, he wasn't counting on being betrayed himself.

And I'm not talking about just Kagura.

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End Of Chapter Seven

**Acknowledgements: **

Hasso and Cleo

Kumguat21

PassinBy

Endevorer

Gwen Aviere

Moondragon13

Lady Kanna-chan

Kiraras Moonbeams **- Try the other name again. Maybe you tried it too soon after I started it or something… and I put the link to my pictures in both Bios.**

You guys rock. Please update again! That's a good percentage of why I update! A lot of you reviewed last chapter, though. Thank you. Domo Arigato. Grazie. Gracias. Merci. Toda. Anks-thay.

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_The soul is the thing one tries to find. When choosing a mate, keep this in mind. A lovely face may conceal a shrew, while ugliness bring you blessings true!_

- The Frog Prince, **Let's Pretend**

_Home, home, who knows his home? Which is the water, the wave or the foam? Which is the bird, feather or flight? Which is the candle, the flame or the light? Who knows the answer makes both his own, the voice and the echo, the known and unknown!_

- Andine, **Let's Pretend**

**

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Review. Now. **


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